The Coan's Blog

Mr. Stephen G. Bloom,

I’ve read your article, and I can’t disagree more with it.  While your article does highlight some of the problems Iowa faces, stereotyping the whole state like you did was an insult to many proud Iowans.

Let’s make one thing clear:  Iowa is first to caucus because both the democrats and republicans agreed that Iowa should be first.  I can only speculate as to why, but I believe its because most Iowans are educated, and represent a demographic similar to the United States as a whole.  Further more, whomever Iowa selects as a candidate reverberates across the nation.  This is evident by the amount of dropouts after the Iowa caucuses.

Let’s be honest Steve (I hope I can call you Steve, if not, tough shit), your goal for the article wasn’t about the Iowa caucuses, it was to paint Iowans as a bunch of hicks and meth-heads.  For whatever reason, you don’t like Iowa, and that’s fine.  To quote a quarterback from the university at which you are employed:

“If you don’t like Iowa [he said America, but Iowa works well too] you can leave it!” – Ricky Stanzi

Let me tell you about me.  I was born in 1986 in Waterloo, Iowa.  I have lived in this town for all my life, and I have enjoyed every minute living here.  I’ve seen a good majority of Iowa, if not all 99 counties as you have.  I’ve grown up here, from boy, to man.  I don’t hunt.  I do enjoy fishing.  I don’t currently own a dog.  I’ve never done drugs.  I’m a passionate Iowa Hawkeye, UNI Panther, and Iowa State Cyclone (in that order).

No doubt that Iowa is an agricultural state.  We produce a good majority of the worlds corn.  We raise pigs and cows.  That’s what we do here.  That’s not the only thing we do here though.  Here in my hometown of Waterloo, we build the John Deere tractors, which gives thousands of jobs to factory workers, engineers, and other staff.  In Cedar Rapids, they make Quaker Oats and Boeing Jets.  Iowa City is full of doctors and lawyers (and douchebag journalism professors).  Des Moines is referred to as the Silicon Prarie, and has many technology startups such as Dwolla and Pinterest.  Dubuque, which you refer to as a skuzzy city, is a beautiful town on the Mississippi, which is busy with tourism and those rusty barges you mentioned.

Politically, you mention that the state is split.  I agree, and I think it’s great.  That’s probably a good reason why we caucus first.  We’re diverse.  We’re generally on the bleeding edge of civil rights issues.  We were one of the first states that allowed african-americans and women to vote.  Why is it a surprise that we’re one of the first to allow gay marriage?  Yes, we’re still toying around with the idea.  We voted out the justices that allowed gay marriage (can your state do that?), and it still may be repealed.

You called Iowa a “schizophrenic, economically-depressed, and some say, culturally-challenged state”.  I couldn’t disagree more.  Calling Iowa schizophrenic doesn’t make sense.  In my opinion, Iowa knows well what is real, and that’s why we caucus first.  Iowa isn’t economically-depressed.  In fact, Iowa has weathered the recent recession relatively well compared to the rest of the country.  Our cost of living is lower that the communities on the east and west coasts.  We live simply here, and we like it that way.  Work hard, play hard.

I can’t speak to rural Iowa much, but I do know that many farms these days are owned by corporations, not farmers.  I’ve been to a farm a few times before, and its peaceful.  Some people like to raise families in rural areas.  They like huge yards for their kids to play in, big farm houses, and huge barns and sheds for ATVs, project cars, snow mobiles, tractors, and other toys.  I’ve only been to a tractor pull once in my 25 years of existence.  I’ve never heard of a combine demolition derby (combines probably cost more money than the car you drive).  There are plenty of billboards in the cities, but even in rural Iowa, I’ve yet to see signs for cattle, lemonade, or boar semen.  The people that live in the rural communities are very friendly, but I don’t understand why you think that’s a bad thing.

To me, I’ve never heard of a parking ramp called an indoor parking lot.  Soda is pop here.  Grocery bag or grocery sack, I’ve called them both.  I’ve never heard a weed called a volunteer.  Miniature golf is not called put-put, but goofy golf, and if you called it either one of the three, I’d know what you meant.  Supper, dinner, and lunch can be confused, so it’s good to clarify.  Cellars are typically basements you have to go outside to get to in case of a tornado.  My dad did call me bud.  My house doesn’t have a mud room, and the nearest pig shit is miles from my house.  If you get out of town, you might smell some pig shit now and again, but I wouldn’t say its a major problem.  Keep driving and the smell goes away.  I’ll even give you a better example:  we often refer to distance (miles) in time (minutes).  For example, I’d say Cedar Rapids is 60 minutes from Waterloo.  This is because its a good estimate as to how long it’ll take to get there.  The speed limit on the highways in Iowa range from 55 mph – 70 mph, so time in minutes is a decent measure of distance.

You pick on small town Iowa.  American Legions, Wal-Marts, and Christmas nativities are common.  The statement about being afraid to go for a walk in the fall is stupid.  You’re not likely going to get shot by hunters walking on a sidewalk or roadway.  If you wanted to go play in a cornfield in the fall, I’d recommend wearing orange (maybe not for you, Steve).  Church and religion might be important to smaller towns, but it’s not “in-your-face” here.  There are a few signs along the highway that support Jesus and are anti-abortion.  There are funny hand painted political signs as well.  That’s their freedom of speech they’re expressing, just like you have.  Detassling is a right of passage for teenagers in Iowa.  It’s hard work, but it pays well for a teenager.  I’m not sure why this is a bad thing.

You mention our housing costs are low.  This isn’t a bad thing.  While the rest of America was getting big loans for expensive houses they couldn’t pay for, Iowans kept rising house costs to a minimum.

Your dog comments are stupid.  I currently don’t have a dog, but I used to have a beagle, which is a well known hunting dog.  Never once in my life has somebody asked me if she was a good hunting dog.  Nor have I heard anybody refer to a dog a bitch around here.  Maybe I didn’t have the right breed of dog, or live in a town where hunting is common.

In short, your article was offensive, and isn’t a good portrayal of Iowa.  You pissed off a bunch of people, which I’m sure you’re more than happy about the publicity.  If Iowa is really as bad as you make it sound, you wouldn’t live here.  Go find a writing job in New Jersey, you prick.  You don’t deserve to work in this state.

Good luck making friends when you come back from Michigan!

Your fellow Iowan,

Tyler Coan

Man, I’ve realized telephone and cable services are expensive.  We’re on a landline with Qwest and have 3 Mb DSL service through them.  We also have DirecTV for satelite and a Vivint Security system.  I’m paying a ton of money for these services.  Unfortunately, I’m in contracts with most of them, but once my contracts up, I’m going to replace most of the services or cancel them.

Landline phone – This will probably get ported over to google voice or something similar.  We hardly use it since we have cell phones.  The reason we got it in the first place was for our original security system with ADT.  I hate ADT by the way.

Internet – This will probably be replaced with internet service from Mediacom.  Internet is probably the most important service that we’ll have in our house.  So a nice, fast internet pipe will be needed.  It’s something Qwest can’t offer me.  Qwest is reliable, but not fast.  I can’t get anything faster than 3 MB service in my area.  I haven’t had mediacom internet for a few years.  I know its expensive and would go down more frequently than Qwest.  It’s a price I’m willing to pay if it can save me money by canceling other services.

Cable TV – This will probably be cut all together.  Our DirecTV bill just shot up to $100.  We’re in a contract and it sucks.  I really like the service, but it’s too expensive.  I’ll opt for a roof mounted over the air antenna.  I’ll probably replace the shows I’ll miss with Hulu+ and Netflix.  Also, maybe do some iTunes episode rentals.  I believe this should cover most of our TV watching (except for sports).

Security System – I like having a security system, but its not a need.  It’s a want.  We haven’t been broken into since we’ve had a security system, but then again we never had that problem.  We pay around $50/month for this service, and I don’t know how well its doing.  If somebody really wanted to break in, they would, and they’d take whatever they wanted and leave before the police got here.  I do like the fact it does fire alarm, carbon monoxide, and cold weather sensor, but I don’t know if its worth $50/month to have.  We do live in Waterloo, but we don’t live in a bad neighborhood.  Honestly, I think a sign and stickers are enough.  Maybe a dog or a gun would be just as effective.  Or maybe a cheaper service.

Let’s do the math, I’m guessing I’m paying $210/month in services.  I’m guessing my plan for these services would cost $90 ($60 for internet, $20 for streaming, $10 for google voice, no security system).  A savings of $120 a month or $1440 a year.

So what would I get or what could I buy with the money I’ll be saving?

• Faster internet
• Streaming services like Netflix and Hulu+
• Subscription to Cable TV shows we watch that we can’t get through Hulu+ or Netflix.  Probably through iTunes
• Equipment for over the air and streaming devices
• Other security system options (maybe)
• Season tickets to my favorite sports teams (ehem….Hawkeyes)
• Food and beer at a sports bar for the NFL games I’ll be watching there.
• More opportunities for weekend get aways.
• More money and time for reading.
• More money and time for home improvement projects.
• More money to sink into student loans and other debts.

For $1440, it’s almost worth cutting up some of those contracts.  Tempting, but I need to get my ducks in a row first.  I don’t think Amanda and I would miss much by doing this.

A goal of mine is to build an arduino word clock.

I think they’re stylish.  However, if you were to try to buy one retail, they’d be priced well over $1000.  You can find instructions online on how to build them using an arduino, which is a microchip that can be programed via USB.  I have no electronics experience and no soldering experience.  I’m hoping this will help me learn.  The code is already freely available online, so it’d just be a matter of programming the arduino, building the clock, and wiring up some LEDs.  I like the black like pictured above, but I also like the idea of having some stainless steel cut at a CNC place or something.  I certainly don’t have the equipment for that, so cost would be a factor.

I think it’d be a cool conversation piece in my home or office.  ”Yeah, I built that” type of pride thing going on.  It would definitely be a challenge.  Maybe I could sell my builds online on ebay, amazon, or etsy?